Maybe it's the Frisbee?

Today feels so, so very good. It's been about 3 weeks, or so, since I had a realization. It was a painful day, one that I dont really want to relive, but one that I believe at this point has truly changed the course of my weight loss program. I had been stagnant for about 5 months, and it was frustrating. Frustrating for me, for my trainer Brad (I say trainer because that's his job, but in reality he's more of a friend that's helped me out tremendously), and I would venture to say frustrating for my church as well.

One of the things that I started out really desiring when I began to lose weight was that other people were going to be a major part of what I was trying to do. That meant that when I had triumphs (like running my first mile) I included people in on those things. I remember last May, probably around a year ago this week, was the first time Brad took me out to the track and said, "We're going to go for a run." Now let me tell you that this was not met with any sort of excitement, or anticpation. Rather, I was terrified. I didn't like to run, and the mere thought of doing it for an entire mile was really starting to freak me out. However, I finished it, in something like 12 minutes, but I finished. I told everyone. Not just the people I saw that day, but for like a week and half afterwards I told everyone I saw that I had indeed run a mile for the first time in my life.

Along with those triumphs have come some defeats. Like the first time I actually gained weight on the scale. It was last December/January, and it was a crushing blow to who I had become. I was putting so much of who I was into losing weight, that when I didn't drop 2 pounds in a week, let alone gained 5 pounds after the holidays, I was crushed. I shared this as well, and the community responded with a characteristic warm-heartedness that I don't think exists many other places.

As nice as they were though I still felt as though I had been letting people down for the last five months. Brad sensed it as well. He emailed me, we talked, I got pissed and something inside of me really wanted to say, "Screw this! I'm done." They wouldn't let me though. Because they all knew, especially Brad and my roommates, that there was still something inside of me wanting to see this thing to the end.

Bringing us back to the present. We played ultimate frisbee last night, like 4 whole games worth, so needless to say waking up this morning at 5:45am to workout (which invariably means getting my butt kicked by this sicko who takes an odd pleasure in seeing me squirm and sweat) wasn't at the top of my list. I wanted to stand on the scale this morning, but I was nervous. I had eaten a hamburger Monday night at a party, and the guilt was trying to keep me from the scale. We worked out, and I had my butt kicked like it hadn't been in qutie some time (frisbee the night before an intense full body workout is crazy, you should try it for a really sore feeling the next morning), and I knew that I wanted to step on that scale. I did, and there it was 256.3 pounds. Thats 11 pounds since that day that I wanted to quit. Since that day that I felt like I had been letting everyone in my life down for about 5 months, and as of today I feel like it's over. It's a good feeling, a feeling of triumph I haven't felt in some time.

Maybe it's the frisbee? Yeah, it's gotta be the frisbee.