Smallish Victories Right?

When losing weight I look for the small victories. Those are the ones that lead to the bigger ones at the end of the road. My motto, and I'd be surprised if I were the first one to notice this, is that lots of little wins adds up to a big one at the end. A pound here and a half pound there are significant to me these days.

After comgroup tonight Ross asked me what I was down to (Ross is really good about asking this question in non-threatening ways) in the weight department. Not having a solid answer for him I said, "Oh 240 something." Thinking that it was a lot more than where he would be on a scale. His response though shocked me when he was getting on to me about saying it in the tone that I did. He pointed out that I'm only like 20 pounds away from being in the 220's which at one point seemed totally impossible! Pretty cool. Small-ish victories.

----

On a completely unrelated note, I'm applying for a Fulbright Grant. The grant is awarded to lots of people wanting to travel oversees and study. They have partnerships in lots of areas of the world and with lots of people worldwide. Which means that they want you to be very qualified in order to receive one of these grants. This, as it turns out, is a pretty reasonable assumption on their part since if you get it its like getting about $40,000! I don't care who you are that's a boatload of cash.

Reading the names and bios of past winners though makes me feel like sort of a loser. Many of them have names of schools like Stanford and Harvord after their names. And other things like 'awards' and 'real accomplishments'. Pssh! I say Pssh, but really in my heart I'm asking the question, "Holy crap, am I qualified for this? Probably not." I hate doing that to myself, but it helps me keep expectations low so if I'm not able to deliver it's not as big a disappointment.

However, thinking about this King we serve, he doesn't always like to do things in a conventional way. I was accepted to Newcastle on a whim. I'm applying for this grant at the last minute-ish, and maybe just maybe this is where the Lord has me going next year and wont stop at anything from getting me there. That's where I'm at with that, and this is the end of this.

Peace.

Frustration

I haven't blogged in quite some time. Probably because my weight loss has come to a strange stop, and I'm frustrated. It started when I tried to go onto the Zone Diet, and decided that it just wasn't for me right now, and then went back to Eating for Life. I thought, this will be an easy transition back, but with weekends away, a 24th birthday, and parents coming into town, life has been anything but normal lately, and my eating has suffered as a result.

That's where I am with that. It's been a couple of weeks since I've posted a loss on the scale, and I'm getting discouraged. It seems like once you're in the groove weight comes off so easily, but as soon as you get out of that routine for just a bit, it's a real pain in the butt to get back into it.

I'm still going though, and hopefully I'll get back to progress soon enough.

Higher Jesus, Higher!

Last week I told you that I was going to try and start eating according to 'The Zone' diet. Well, I had intended on going to the store and gearing up for the first week of being in the zone, but that didn't happen until Sunday morning, so I've not been on the diet for more than 12 hours now, but it feels good so far.

The way you eat breaks down like this:
- Food is broken up into one of three macronutrient categories: protein (for rebuilding muscle), carbohydrate (for sustained energy), and fat (because your body uses it as a lubricant if you will).
- Blocks are used to denote how much of something you should eat to get the correct amount at each meal (1 block protein = 7 grams of protein, 1 block carbs = 9 grams of carbs, 1 block fat = 1.5 grams of fat).
- I'm trying to eat no more than 20 blocks in a day, meaning that at each of my 5 meals, I'm trying to consume 4 blocks of protein, 4 blocks of carbs, and 4 blocks of fat.

It takes some getting used to, but I'm confident that this last 25-30 pounds will come off relatively quickly if I can stick to this diet closely, then I'll reevaluate and determine where I'd like to go from there.

I dropped down to 248.8 pounds this morning. That's significant because last Wednesday I was down to 249.6, and I was thinking that it was just lost water weight, but with this finding this morning, I'm thinking that it's actual fat being burned off. I'm going to start seriously looking at taking creatin (sp?) to build up some more muscle. Who doesn't want to be totally jacked right? Well not me, I'd just like some more wiggle room within my diet.

--End of workout post, beginning of church related post--

Last night at church we discussed more of what we as Christian's should be hoping for about heaven. Both the physical and the spiritual side of things, and how that relates to the bodies that we presently occupy here on earth. Thad didn't go too far into things, so I'm not going to sit here and discuss something I don't yet comprehend, but he did ask a fun question: what is one thing that you're really hoping for when we get to heaven?

Some of the answers were typical:
- Seeing Jesus
- No more pain
- Seeing loved ones again
- Big pearly gates

I had an answer in mind, but in an effort not to look like a total attention whore, I didn't speak up. You know when you have a baby that's about 7-11 months old or so? They are at that point where they are able to interact with you and have fun, laugh, and smile (I do really well with these babies, not so much with the ones who can't yet emote). I love throwing them up in my hands, letting them just escape my grip and then catching them again. The babies seem to love it as well. Well my dream for when I get to heaven is to have Jesus do that with me. Silly huh?

Back to Basics

I was told this morning that I hadn't blogged about working out/losing weight in quite a while. There's a reason that this is the case, and it's mainly because I was feeling a little narcissistic about always detailing how I'm trying to change myself and look better. It was beginning to feel like one of those crappy reality shows where some 'celebutant' is trying to better herself and expecting us all to enjoy watching/reading about it.

I will say though that I've gotten down to 250 lbs. as of this morning. That seems crazy to me. 250 lbs! It's taken a bit longer than I would have expected a year ago today, if you had asked me then I'd have told you that by now I'd be at around 200 pounds. Things change and the process has gotten a lot harder than it was at the beginning. I'm still trying to tighten up my eating routine, trying to find new and more fun ways of working out (riding my bike, playing basketball, playing ultimate frisbee), and trying to be open in this whole process.

Nighttime eating is still my biggest problem. I try and have my big meal at breakfast, usually about 400 calories after a workout, with black coffee, or around 300 calories if I don't workout one morning, with black coffee. Then snack--lunch--snack--dinner--snack. It's that last three that really start to throw me off. I love carbs and sugar, and comfort foods (which typically involve lots of thsoe three things!). Danny has agreed to loan me his Zone Diet book. From my knowledge this is the diet they put olympic athletes on, and we've all seen how cut up they are. well... that's sort of my goal, but not entirely.

I'll keep you posted early next week when I've started on the Zone with a few earlys thoughts about what it's like.

Plus the Aggies lost, and that sucks.

The Diving Bell and the Butterfly

Jared and I watched, The Diving Bell and the Butterfly, tonight. You need to see this movie. I've never blogged about a movie before, and the three of you that read this blog can attest to that. But trust me here, I don't say this lightly, this movie is worth the time, every time.

IMDB Rotten Tomatoes

Capturing the frustration in this man's life during this time period was masterful. The fact that I was completely pissed the first five minutes of the movie, proves that film can convey emotion. I love that when the movie progresses, you progress with the character. You feel what he feels. You grow as he grows. It is tedious at the beginning for us, you and the lead, to communicate anything, but as you move through the plot it becomes easier and easier. Not that it is ever simple to follow, but rewarding for sure.

Watch it.

Operation Love Bomb

I'm not a very good customer. Most of the time when I walk into a store like Best Buy, I know exactly what I want/need and go to find it. Very rarely do I go into a store, this seems to happen at Gap more than anywhere else, and ask anyone for assistance. Most of the time it'll be asking the cute girl working what she thinks of a certain color. (I know full well that 99% of the time that wont lead to anything but her typical sales pitch, however I've decided that if I ask enough 'opinions' it might turn into something... anything... maybe.)

I worked as a carney for a summer. It was a terrible job where I had to try and sell people rides on this crappy motion simulator at a mall in Houston. I hated it, and I'm pretty sure most of the mall customers hated me as well.

I bring this up because I was walking into work one day last week and I was, as the guy I work with put it, 'love bombed.' Love bombed, huh? Yes, Jehovah's Witness style aerial assault. It was a friendly looking old cowboy looking into the window's of the building where we office, I said "Hello," and continued walking, until he said, "Can I ask you a question?" The things that started racing through my mind were, "Oh crap, he's homeless and needs a ride," and "Oh, this nice old man just needs to know where a certain building is located." "Sure," I responded, really thinking nothing much of it.

Until he pulled out his folder full of Watchtower pamphlets. Quickly he asked me something about being depressed when someone I knew passed away, and how we all have a hard time dealing with stuff like that. I agreed, in a short answered sort of way, and tried to get the heck outta there, when I refused to take his pamphlet (no need in taking something that's just going into the garbage in the next five minutes I decided) he started in.

"Can I ask you another question?" Old Cowboy guy said.
"Ok," hesitant, noticeably flustered and nervous Andrew, replied.
"What did Jesus say we could look for to know when he was coming back?"
"Um... we could look to the sky right?" It took me a second to remember something that would qualify as a good enough Sunday school answer here, as I've been out of practice in answering these random questions like this for some time now.
"Exactly! When wars and rulers are coming to power, that's when we need to look to the sky to see that Jesus is near."
"Ok."
"Now take this pamphlet."
"No thanks, I've gotta go to work."
"Hmmm... well have a nice day."
(Andrew hurries off to the door to his building.)
Scene.

Why does something like this bother me so much? I should be impressed that someone believes in something so much that they're willing to go out and share it with the world (even if it's something I don't also believe in). I think it's because he has a rehearsed script, while I'm just speaking on the fly. He knows precisely what I'm going to say, and has a scripted response to just that. He doesn't really know who I am. He likely didn't even care. He was a salesman on the street trying to get me to buy into something without doing the work required.

I don't like that. I think we as Christians should work more to try and 'save' people. (Realize I'm not saying I agree with Old Cowboy guy, he's just an example of something that happened to me recently, and is good for the point I'm making here.) I don't think we see people enough when we just pass out tracks. I've only been a part of doing that once, and it was hands down the strangest thing I've ever been a part of. People were freaked out. Getting love bombed in the middle of your day isn't the greatest feeling.

I don't know where else this is going to go. That's about all I have right now.

We're drafting our fantasy league tonight. Hopefully I can keep my streak alive and beat Michael for the second year in a row. (Dude talks a lot of trash even though he's NEVER BEATEN ME, not even in a weekly game, let alone the championship. Just saying.)

Turn and Face the Change

The past few weeks have been hectic.

I moved out of the house I lived in last year, with Jared, Eric and Britt, and into a new house with Ian Nelson. It's funny how attached you can become to a physical place. I had no idea that I was so comfortable in that house until I started packing up my stuff and preparing to move. Isn't it amazing how much stuff you find that you have once you start packing? I looked around the house and thought to myself, "This is maybe a two or three trip process. Then I think I'll be done." Ha! Seven or eight trips in the Maxima later, and with plenty of help from B-rock, I was out of the old, and into the new.

A week or so before I moved out of that place, I received some rather exciting news. I applied for an MSc in Innovation, Creativity and Enterprise Management at Newcastle upon Tyne in Newcastle England. I was accepted, they sent me an 'Unconditional Offer' to attend for the 2009-2010 school year. These past few weeks have been full of me dreaming and trying to plan the logistics of how I could make something like that work. I don't know if I'll be able to attend because of how much it's going to cost, but I'm gonna try my hardest to make it happen. Suggestions? Anything will help at this point, seriously, anything.

Working out has been tough lately as well. I got back into it this morning with a routine called a Tabata. Essentially you go as hard as you can for 20 seconds, and then rest for 10 seconds. We did six different excercises for a total number of reps at 8 rounds a piece, and then did the whole thing again for 6 rounds a piece. It was tough, but it feels good to have this familiar soreness back throughout my shoulders and quads. And even though I had a terrible week of eating last week, junk because we were on the road for work, I'm still down in weight as of this morning. Hopefully I'll reach my 250 pound goal by measurements next Wednesday (I'm gonna make this thing happen!).

I have some more stuff that I'm thinking about, but it's just not ready for the world yet. More to come in the next couple of days.

Admissions

Quick update, for those of you who care, and for those of you who don't.

After I failed to flip the big tire 10 times last week, it ate at me inside from Tuesday until Saturday. I convinced Justin to join me on Saturday morning in trying to flip that tire the elusive 10 times.

After a quick bike ride to the Tillery's backyard, and five minutes or so of warming up, it happened. I flipped that baby 10 times in 3 minutes 24 seconds. [EDIT: Time correction.]

It feels pretty good to have finally joined this club!

A Part of the Club

I've been reading about the Explorers Club lately. Seems that these guys are the most intense people out there who have gone the farthest and studied the most. The list of members includes people like Sir Edmund Hillary (Honorary Chair), John Glenn, and some others, including a guy (his name escapes me at the moment, who sailed nearly 5,000 miles on a bamboo raft--just to prove he could. I would love to become a member of a group like this. Sadly though the chances of that happening are slim. You have to do something really cool to get invited to join, and the membership dues are probably steep to say the least. Being a part of an elite group has always been a goal that I'd like to achieve and I'm not picky about which one I want to be a part of.

A couple of weeks ago Brad picked up two massive tires from an old tire depot (I'm not really sure where, but I'm sure there are these 'depots' everywhere, since you see tires all over the place if you look hard enough). One weighs in at an estimated 500 pounds. Large, but small in comparison to the other behemoth that he picked up, the 1000 pound monster. That's not its official name, but for this story it will suffice. Pictured below is a shot of me flipping the smaller of the two, a task in itself, but not entirely grueling to get it flipped over. The monster on the other hand, offers much more of a challenge.

Monday night Brad got together what we'll call, The Brain Trust (Hankins, Morchat, myself, and Tillery), to hold the first-annual-monthly-tire-flip-off (again this name isn't official, rather what I propose we call it). The goal of the FAMTFO, 10 flips of the 1000 lb. tire in 5 minutes.

Rain made the ground that evening quite slick, so doing it either on the grass, or concrete was out of the question. This was a problem since both of those surfaces offered the most grip available, but neither were in any condition to be lifting hefty objects on. So, we made due and used the gravel parking spaces in the Tillery backyard. Not ideal, since rocks tend to slip and move when pressure is applied, but still doable. The tire was rolled into position, and the contest was begun (hopefully Danny will finish uploading the video so we can get going on that stuff soon).

Brad made quick work on the ten flips he proposed to do, finishing in about 2.5 minutes. Jeff also finished 10 flips without much trouble in something like 3:40, Danny being the uber-man-freak he is, got it done in an unbelievable 2:13 or something like that. Woah.

Me on the other hand, I had a bit more, lets say, challenging time flipping the monster tire. My first flip worked a bit better than I had thought it would. The second and third came with reletive ease (there isn't much ease to be found when tire flipping, wow that sentence sounds like it should have come from the mouth of someone from West Virginia or something), and then the fourth flip too happened with only minor toughness. Flip five however never happend. Have I mentioned that tire flipping is really hard? It is. I got four flips, and then just couldn't deliever on the final push. I got the tire up a couple more times, resting the entire weight on my biceps (which are brusied pretty badly from the whole exercise), but as soon as I tried to push the tire over the top, like Stallone dominating every other trucker in the movie 'Over the Top', it just wouldn't move since my feet were slipping on the loose gravel.

Four flips. At the time I was glad that I had at least gotten the tire over a few times. But the more I thought about the event, the more I realized that I should have been able to do more, and probably been able to do the entire 10 flips, or at least half of them anyway. Especially when I started thinking of names like 'The 1000 lb. Club', or '1000 Pounders', both lame, but go with me here, to denote the fact that you had flipped that monster tire 10 times. It ate at me all day Tuesday, and into Wednesday morning. I worked out and then got 5 flips done, an improvement espescially since it was done after an hour of lifting weights, but still not the 10 I really wanted to accomplish.

Being a part of this elite group is the new goal that I'd like to achieve. And it'll happen. I still want to travel the world, but the chances that I'll ever be the first to scale a mountain, or step foot on Mars are nearly impossible. Thinking about all of this membership stuff has led me to the realization that some clubs might be out of reach, but this one, the '1000 Pounders', is a membership that one day soon, I'll be a part of.

Blogging huh? Sure.

Today was another fun day of working out. Well, fun is relative to what else you could have been doing at the time. Sleep was one of those things this morning that sounded WAY better than getting up and going to the gym, but I went anyway, and was glad I did.

Brad has a new client working out with him now, the guy won a contest and Brad is giving him a free 12WC-HD, under the condition that he gets to take pictures and track his progress online. Jason did a wonderful job this morning, but while Brad was taking pics of Jason he also got a few of me (below):
I'm only including one picture because it was the only one that didn't turn out too blurry. I guess putting pics up of myself working out is rather strange, but I'm doing it anyway. Sort of to prove to all of you doing this journey with me that I actually do work out and don't just tell stories for my own gratification (well not only for my own gratification).

Quick note, I'm not trying to scare a small child in the above picture. My face suggests otherwise, but that wasn't intentional. I actually remember thinking, "Man, I hope these pictures don't make me look like a total freak." Guess that wish didn't come true.

Jared and Britt moved out this week. Well I say moved out, Jared moved some of his stuff (like his HD TV) and left lots of other things in the house. Britt went to Nebraska for 3 weeks to walk oil pipeline. The house has been a strange place these past couple of days with just Sandefur and myself occupying the once crowded confines. It's good though. I'm trying to become more independent and self motivating (like trying to go to other houses and not just make them come to me).

That's what this week has been about. Does this small amount of stuff justify a blog post? I'm not sure, but you got one anyway.

McCain vs. Obama...?

This latest presidential race has been underway for going on two years now. I must admit that most of what I learn about the race comes from my roommates Britt and Jared, who are much more up to the minute with things pertaining to the race, and websites like digg.

I'm not entirely sold on either candidate, mainly because I haven't spent enough time researching to make a solid decision. McCain is the conservative candidate, and for much of my life, and based on the geography where I currently reside, is the candidate that I should support. He's the 'Old Hat' choice in my book. Obama on the other hand is intriguing because of how magnanimous he is in the public eye. I have to hand it to the guy, he is the sexiest presidential candidate that I can ever recall (and that isn't based on looks at all--sexy doesn't have to mean that I'd make out with him given the chance).

Lots of people I know seem to think that one of these guys is going to change the world for better or worse. Democrats hope for change with Barak. And conservatives hope for, well I'm not sure if many conservatives actually hope for anything other than a retention of power in the White House with John.

Psalms 146 has something interesting to say on the whole subject however:

Praise the Lord! Praise the Lord, O my soul! I will praise the Lord as long as I live; I will sing praises to my God while I have my being.

Put not your trust in princes, in a son of man, in whom there is no salvation. When his breath departs he returns to the earth; on that day his plans perish.

Blessed is he whose help is the God of Jacob, whose hope is in the Lord his God, who made heaven and earth, the sea, and all that is in them, who keeps faith forever, who executes justice for the oppressed, who gives food to the hungry.

The Lord sets the prisoners free; the Lord opens the eyes of the blind. The Lord lifts up those who are bowed down; the Lord loves the righteous.

The Lord watches over the sojourners; he upholds the widow and the fatherless, but the way of the wicked he brings to ruin.

The Lord will reign forever, your God, O Zion, to all generations, Praise the Lord!

I guess that these princes will just have to duke it out on their own, but realize that in the end all of the praise will still go to the God of Jacob. And in that I have even more hope.

Backyard Baptismal

Last night at ComChurch was one of those night's that I am not going to soon forget. We don't baptize people very often in our church, not because we don't believe in the need for it, but because we like doing it outside, and sometimes it just takes some effort to get the entire church to a pool. Yes we often do baptisms in someone's backyard pool. I thought it was weird at first, but after experiencing a few of these backyard baptisms, it becomes a really beautiful thing. For those of you who are used to seeing this occur behind the podium on a Sunday morning, I'd certainly encourage you to break from that mold at least once in your life and see what it's like outside. The water's fine.

The night was good for reasons other than just the baptism as well. We got to swim after the ceremony (is that the right word for what a baptism is supposed to be) was finished. I take t the water very quickly, since most of my childhood was spent in or by a pool. The pool we swam in last night was great too because they had a diving board.

Now for a bit of insight into what it's like to be a big man: you can't jump off of a diving board without the fear of hearing a very large pencil like crack. You just can't do it. Who wants to be the guy that broke the board? Kids would cry. The owner of the board would be pissed that you wasted their money and now they have to go out a purchase a new board. And on top of all that, your embarassed that you were the guy that broke the diving board.

So for the majority of my adult life I've opted to stay away. Erring on the side of caution, and just jumping off the side of the pool and having fun doing that. What a waste of time that was. Diving boards are a lot of fun! You can make large splashes in the water, and kids love that. I feel like a lot of the time that when I'm with my church and around the kids (at our church there are kids EVERYWHERE, like there are always three or four women pregnant at all times!) there are college aged girls always wanting to steal their attention away. I don't usually get angry, because I realize that them and the kids are often closer to each other, babysitting and all, but playing with them is a lot of fun now and then. Cue the pool time. There is no one cooler in a swimming pool than a 20 something guy. Think about it, when you weighed in at a whopping 43 pounds, you could be thrown half way across the pool and swim back to ask for more. I'm more than happy to oblige for the kids, for a time, but after a while it gets boring/tiresome. So for 15 to 20 minutes each time I go swimming I play the part of 'Pool Hero', and enjoy every moment of it.

Weight Loss Update:
This morning I am down to 254 pounds. That's 116 pounds since I started at my estimated weight of 370 pounds. I'm working on a cool visual to really demonstrate how significant this much weight really is, more on that in a later post.

Other exciting news. I've talked for a while now about getting a tummy tuck/skin cut-off operation to take care of all the excess me that is just sort of hanging out right now and being really annoying. Ross asked me how much I thought something like that might cost. And said that if he has the chance, he'll kick some money my way to get started on that fund. This made me feel really really good about not only what I mean to these people, but about what they mean to me.

The fact that I go to church with someone who can understand the significance of having lots of excess skin cut off, makes me realize that backyard baptismals can wash away all sorts of things.

There's Always Something New

I've lived with a bunch of guys throughout my time in college. Freshman year it was Michael Steele. We were friends back home and decided to live together while at A&M our freshman year. I'll admit that I was nervous about this at first, mainly because I wanted to meet new people, and I didn't know exactly how well we were going to get along in the long run. That year I also lived with Ben Love and Aaron Griffin (two of the most ridiculous people you'll ever put in a dorm room together). I learned a lot from those guys, and had more dorm room wars/dance parties than you could count with three peoples hands.

I also lived in a house with 8 guys at one point. It was disgusting. I think it's because at some point you think, "Oh well, someone else can take care of that bowl I just used." That's not a huge deal when there are only four of you in a place, but when there's 8 trying to live under one roof, the problems are magnified 8x, and the bowls eventually run out.

This year is my most mature living situation by far. Not to say that the people I've lived with in the past have all been immature dorks or anything, it's just that we've pretty much all graduated, so gone are most of the things that houses full of college guys would typically do. Now however, we've replaced that, with the young professional* type of living.

To the point. Getting to know someone when you live with them can be very significant. Being friends is one thing, sharing a kitchen, bathroom and living space is completely different. Something happens to me when you start sharing my sink that I'm not sure can be completely expressed in just going to a movie, or meeting for coffee. I see you at your grosest (sp?) moments, your most vulnerable, and your highest highs. In those times I also feel like I'm able to begin to fully appreciate the talents of those whom I am closest to. For instance, Aaron is able to truly love a person (no matter how aggrevating he may seem at times) when they need it the most. He's always there to listen. Britt is extremely intelligent. And Jared can just hang out and be there when you need him the most. Each one of those people means something significant, and I hope I've meant something to them as well.

So Michael and Ben's band, Clairmont, just released their second album this past week. Stength Like Lions is a great accomplishment for them. They've grown in their music and in their faith, its a wonderful CD that you should all listen to (all four of you). It makes me proud to brag about their accomplishments, and to see them following who they are, and where God has them right now.

Justin on the other hand showed me a bit of his talent this morning. He walked in and showed me his youtube video (he say's the word 'damn', so be careful if that offends your ears):



Wow.

I wonder what living with a wife will be like one day? Hopefully she's as funny and insightful as all of these guys that have meant so much to me over the last five years. Only one thing that should really be different, I know she's going to be way better looking than all of them.

*Categorized by trying to live well above your current means. Coming to grips with the fact that staying up all night drinking is no longer a good idea. And girls probably shouldn't be treated as buddies any longer--let the futre wife tryouts begin. Just kidding, sort of.

The EPIC 700

Brad told us today that we were going to join the 700 club. Jared asked if Pat Roberts was going to be there or not. I suggested we all go and just donate money to police and firefighters, little did I know that I was just being a dork, Jared was right, the 100 Club is the thing with stickers on your car.

Workout though was intense. Brian Lee and I did the following rotation for time:
- 250 Squat @ 185 lb.
- 150 Row to Narrow Push Up @ 35 lb. each hand
- 300 Kettle Bell Sumo Squat @ 53 lb.
TIME 43:32

The goal was to finish in 45 mintues. I just barely made it, so needless to say I was relieved when it was finally over.

Last week was tough on eating. I've stayed around the same weight, between 256 and 259 for the past couple of weeks. This week I'm really going to be more careful about what I put into my body and when. I'm still having a tough time with eating carbs late at night. I know that I'm not supposed to do it, but for whatever reason I still seem to justify it in my head for just long enough to do it, and then regret sets in. This week, carbs past dinner will be cut out all together, and lunches will be watched much more closely.

Lets do this!

Upset Enough to Post Twice in a Day

Sure I already posted a new blog entry today, in fact it was like 2 hours ago that I finished the post and hit the little publish button below. Then, I came across this article on AskMen.com, here's the article. Seriously read it, and watch the videos, hopefully it will make you think.

I've been thinking about this for quite some time now, and in fact I had a two or three page essay typed up discussing many of the same points on Monday, but then decided against posting (or even saving--I can't explain it) because I didn't want to sound too extreme or arrogant about an opinion, as I felt this topic would portray. But this article gave me the push I needed to at least bring it up, maybe even start a conversation.

In the 1950's the advertiser's knew this sort of approach would work, and you still see it sometimes even today:

This housewife cleaning her kitchen probably gets a few different reactions from people. Those reactions might range from the nostalgic look back, remembering an idealized view of what you think your childhood was like. On the other end of the spectrum, it might make your blood boil in reaction to the sexist and shovenistic roles that it portrays. How then, are these 'male bashing' ads of today any different?

I can't watch show's like Everybody Loves Raymond because of this very attitude. What woman would want to be with a man who is completely inept at everything they try and do? How fair is it that men are never shown helping otu around the house? The typical TV show has a man coming home from work to a frustrated wife who has spent all day with the kids, and instead of sympathizing on either end (either the woman realizing that the husband's day might have been really tough, or on the man's end that the woman had an especially tiring day taking care of the children) they both go at eachother's throat. Begging the question why can't we see the median? Why do we have to show our children, boys especially, that dad's aren't good at anything but acting like a bafoon, and eventually succombing to the superior will of the mother?

To me it seems as though we reach a point in time where we realized that girls were getting the raw end of the deal. Young women, for a time, saw no images that portrayed their role as anything other than the caretaker/mother. We realized the error of our ways, and instead of reacting with an appropriate amount of rationalization, we freaked out. In lieu of building up both sexes in healthy ways most advertisers, it seems, have decided that we need to instead dumb down the role of men.

Men have started to receive the same treatment that women did back in the day, over generalizations of a few seemingly universal gender traits, that have typecast an entire population as something less than they actually are.

How do we change this perception? I'm not sure. What I do know however is that I can change things in my life that will hopefully lead to better conditions for my children. As a guy, I think that's something engrained in me (and here I do realize that I probably just made a gross generalization in that women, too, likely want the same better results for their children), helping to make changes.

I'd like to know who I am, and who you are, as a person, not as a walking gender role. What is it that motivates me, and how is that different then girls? What motivates the women who are in my life? From my mom and sister, to the girls with whom I hang out with on Friday and Saturday night. I think it's necessary to realize that they are all independent people with thoughts and feelings of their own, not generalizations and stereotypes with clothes on walking blindly through life conforming to every whim that society forces upon them.

I've mentioned to friends before that women need to stop buying into the Sex and the City craze. I think this is a perfect illustration of what is wrong with the way our society treats women. Painting a picture that if you buy really expensive Manolo Blahniks, your life will be complete enough to sleep with the perfect, Mr. Right, or Mr. Big or whoever they are pushing these days. But this too is an incomplete look at what our society tells us now days. Girls aren't the only one's buying into this hype. I too have been hook-line-and-suckered into what advertisers want from me. ESPN is the worst at this sort of thing. Just watching Sports Center in the evening I'm bombarded by ads that tell me which razor to use if I want supermodels to caress my face at the drop of a hat. Or which beer now has the perfect pour spout that will get me 30 minutes of guy time away from my significant other.

It's time that we as a society, and even more importantly as Christians wanting to live a life apart from what the world (and ad agencies) tells us is important. I'd like to think (and this is likely pie in the sky blogger talk here, that will hopefully *fingers crossed* get translated into real life action on my part) that we can change the way that we see who we are in this world. We can say, I am who God has made me to be, and I won't buy into these stereotypes.

Rant over.

Workouts Workouts Everywhere

Just finished working out for the morning. It was tough, not as tough as many mornings, but in it's own way. I'm feeling inspired to write, and to commit myself to some better eating habits, so here we go.

To begin, I've started reading this blog by my Comrade Danny. He's a wonderful person who not only gets me fired up in the gym, but his infectious personality gets me fired up for life like not many people can do. He has been blogging his workout journey as well with some great results. He even has a picture up of himself last January and then one from May/June(?), he makes me wish I had good ideas like that. So, in the interst of stealing some good ideas, and making my little blogging experiment that much more interesting for myself and the three people who occasionally look at this thing, I'm gonna use some of those ideas.

The Plan:
- Take a picture of myself every Wednesday morning, to track the progress of my weight loss and muscle gain. (And to send to the soldiers fighting in Iraq, they need all the inspiration they can get.)
-Journal more of my workouts, not always for you, but for myself so I have some sort of record.
-Continue to eat a bit more healthy, that's really the overarching goal in this whole thing, so I'm really trying hard at this one inparticular.

Workout:
Last Night- swam 12 laps at the Sewells house, with 25 push ups, dips, squats in between each set, and 50 total rope pull ups from the water after it was all said and done. (TIME 24:38)

This Morning- Rep. challenge, 3 minutes a station going for highest total possible
1. Thrusters @ 95 lb.
2. Tricep Extensions with Blue Cable
3. Free Motion Squats @ 70 lb.
4. Hyperextensions
5. Chest Adduction @ 60 lb.
6. IndoBoard Push Ups
7. EZ Bar Curls @ 55 lb.
8. Kettle Bell Sumo Squat @ 53 lb.
(TOTAL 454 Reps.)
Squat Complex with 5 medicine balls ranging in weight from 15 pounds, to nearly nothing. Totals were 30, 40, 50, 60 and 80. No rest, push ups or Burpees if the person in front of you was taking too long. (TIME unknown)

Trip to Houston

This past weekend was fun, and not so fun. Jared and I went to Houston to watch the Ags play game one of a three game series againts the Rice Owls at Reckling Park in Houston. Other than the fact that it was hotter than (insert racey noun here), the game was fun until the 9th inning. The Ags lost, but all was not lost.

Jared and I then enjoyed a delicious meal at Two Rows Bar in Rice Village, where I had a delicious root beer (brewed in house), and then came back.

All in all, it was a great Saturday, dampened just a bit by the fact that the Aggies couldn't pull off a win, and ended up losing the series 0-2 to the Owls. Better luck next year, eh?

An Emotion Not Experienced by All

Weddings aren't something guys understand. Sure we have the capability of understanding what the significance of the union between and a man and a woman is, but the 'wedding' as our society has defined it, eludes even the best intentioned of us guys.


Josh Taylor is a good friend of mine. He and his new wife, Whitney, were just married this past Friday evening back in Houston. It was a beautiful wedding, albeit hot and muggy. I think that weddings between the months of April and October in the state of Texas should be required to take place indoors. Sure outdoor weddings are great; trees, grass, a nice breeze, and sunshine make your special day a wonderful photo-op, except for all of the sweat and bugs that often come along with those great pictures.


I have a confession to make. I worry about what clothes I'm going to wear to events like weddings. Strange I know. As a guy I'm not supposed to really take much of an interest in the clothing that covers my nude figure (too graphic?). If you knew me back in high school you'd see how suprising this actually is for me. Back then I saw clothes as nothing more than a way to cover myself, fashion and appearence didn't enter my mind in a very significant way.


Clothing has become a budding obsession of mine. I think part of it is Jared's fault, he is at least responsible for 50% of the blame. He buys GQ magazine and has it sitting around our house on the coffee table most of the time. Jared is partly to blame, but so is my figure that is just now becoming more used to the clothes that mainstream American clothing companies manufacture.


I was shopping with my mom and sister this past weekend and, when a shirt I tried on didn't fit over my shoulders, I came out and announced, "My shoulders are just too big." My mom came back with a real gem though, she didn't even miss a beat, "No Andrew, the clothes were just made too small." This took me a second, for the first time I think this was actually the truth. I wasn't this freak in the mall any more. I wasn't the customer that sales reps spoke with just to shoot the breeze. They actually had the chance of making a sale when I was in the store. Searching feeverishly through the racks for size XXL-XXXL wasn't something I had to do any longer.


This was really an exciting feeling. I had to go somewhere, I had to try something on that had never fit before. Banana Republic, the holy grail of clothing at most mid-level malls. I needed a pair of khakis didn't I? "Something for the weddings this summer," I chanted in my head on the way past the food court, and around the maze of middle-eastern-styled carts dotting the pathways of Willowbrook Mall. And there they were, size 38 bootcut khakis. Let me tell you, they fit like a glove. They weren't tight. They didn't require a hefty breath in to button the top, and zip the fly.


And like guys can't really understand a wedding in the way that most girls understand them, skinny people aren't capeable of understanding fitting into a pair of pants for the first time. It's magical. Like Christmas morning, and your first kiss rolled up into one magnificent moment.


So for all of you skinny people out there (as if there are many people at all out there reading my blog), put on 25 pounds and go to the mall. Try on something that you really want and make sure that it just won't fit (if you need some meal ideas to put on weight just ask, I've got plenty of suggestions). Then, work your butt off and lose that weight just so that you can go and buy that pair of pants that you really wanted back when you were too large. It's a feeling that you can't understand until you've experienced it.

It's an emotion not experienced by all.

Stupid Blog Questionaire, Well not that Stupid

Michael taged me on this questionaire thing that he did on his blog the other day, and in the process made the comment that he thought I'd love doing something like this. He was right, and I probably will. Guess that's what you get when you live with someone for four years huh?

What were you doing 5 years ago?
1. Crying at graduation from high school (haha just kidding)
2. Having as much fun and spending as much money on a computer for college as I could
3. Eating lots of Whataburger
4. Thinking I was better at church than almost anyone
5. Having a crush on a a girl who would later turn out to be pretty lame.

What are 5 things on your to-do list today (not in any particular order)?
1. Get something put up in my blog
2. Workout (it sucked today, i wanted to puke)
3. Call my Aunt about staying at their Lakehouse (jury is still out as to if this is gonna work out or not)
4. Finish Great Expectations on HDNet, I never thought I'd watch this movie, but I got into it this morning.
5. Play ultimate frisbee tonight, if we can get enough people together.

What are 5 snacks you enjoy?
(There will be three 'healthy' choices, and two 'if I really wanted a snack this is what I'd have' choices)
1. Cliff Bar-Brownie flavor
2. Dr. Kracker with turkey and cheese (this is soo good)
3. Kashi cereal (even though lots of guys think this stuff is ghey, I really like it)
4. Peanut butter (I would eat it on anything, at any time, and an entire jar at a time if possible)
5. Avacado

What 5 things would you do if you were a billionaire?
1. Punch Oprah (I think if I had a billion dollars this could happen)
2. Buy a bunch of real estate in downtown Bryan (this place is gonna be huge in a couple of years)
3. Take all of my friends on a European vacation for a month or so (I'd even pay for everything)
4. Buy a house and pay off houses for other people
5. Have a tummy tuck

What are 5 of your bad habits?
1. I think too much about other people's opinions
2. Biting my fingernails
3. Not picking up my clothes after I wash them
4. Leaving facial hair shavings on the bathroom sink
5. Making orphan jokes (I really should stop this)

What are 5 places you have lived?
1. Seven Pines (grew up here)
2. Dunn 453 (this place was awesome, when I think about college 20 years from now, most of my memories will come from this cramped room)
3. 911 Gardenia
4. Brown House (too many people in too crappy of a house)
5. Eisenhower House (great place, with some crazy-a$$ neighbors)

What are 5 jobs you’ve had?
1. Redd School (after school care with 3-5 year olds)
2. Motion-Stimulator (I was basically a carney at Greenspoint Mall in Houston for the summer after my sophmore year. Likely the most ghetto place you can imagine, in fact I was almost shot.)
3. TexAgs.com (started out part time, and am now here full-time)
4. That's it.
5. N/A

Maybe it's the Frisbee?

Today feels so, so very good. It's been about 3 weeks, or so, since I had a realization. It was a painful day, one that I dont really want to relive, but one that I believe at this point has truly changed the course of my weight loss program. I had been stagnant for about 5 months, and it was frustrating. Frustrating for me, for my trainer Brad (I say trainer because that's his job, but in reality he's more of a friend that's helped me out tremendously), and I would venture to say frustrating for my church as well.

One of the things that I started out really desiring when I began to lose weight was that other people were going to be a major part of what I was trying to do. That meant that when I had triumphs (like running my first mile) I included people in on those things. I remember last May, probably around a year ago this week, was the first time Brad took me out to the track and said, "We're going to go for a run." Now let me tell you that this was not met with any sort of excitement, or anticpation. Rather, I was terrified. I didn't like to run, and the mere thought of doing it for an entire mile was really starting to freak me out. However, I finished it, in something like 12 minutes, but I finished. I told everyone. Not just the people I saw that day, but for like a week and half afterwards I told everyone I saw that I had indeed run a mile for the first time in my life.

Along with those triumphs have come some defeats. Like the first time I actually gained weight on the scale. It was last December/January, and it was a crushing blow to who I had become. I was putting so much of who I was into losing weight, that when I didn't drop 2 pounds in a week, let alone gained 5 pounds after the holidays, I was crushed. I shared this as well, and the community responded with a characteristic warm-heartedness that I don't think exists many other places.

As nice as they were though I still felt as though I had been letting people down for the last five months. Brad sensed it as well. He emailed me, we talked, I got pissed and something inside of me really wanted to say, "Screw this! I'm done." They wouldn't let me though. Because they all knew, especially Brad and my roommates, that there was still something inside of me wanting to see this thing to the end.

Bringing us back to the present. We played ultimate frisbee last night, like 4 whole games worth, so needless to say waking up this morning at 5:45am to workout (which invariably means getting my butt kicked by this sicko who takes an odd pleasure in seeing me squirm and sweat) wasn't at the top of my list. I wanted to stand on the scale this morning, but I was nervous. I had eaten a hamburger Monday night at a party, and the guilt was trying to keep me from the scale. We worked out, and I had my butt kicked like it hadn't been in qutie some time (frisbee the night before an intense full body workout is crazy, you should try it for a really sore feeling the next morning), and I knew that I wanted to step on that scale. I did, and there it was 256.3 pounds. Thats 11 pounds since that day that I wanted to quit. Since that day that I felt like I had been letting everyone in my life down for about 5 months, and as of today I feel like it's over. It's a good feeling, a feeling of triumph I haven't felt in some time.

Maybe it's the frisbee? Yeah, it's gotta be the frisbee.

Blown-in-the-Glass Road Trip

My last week was one full of highs, and lows. Mountains and rivers (wow that sounds like something you'd hear at a youth retreat). Jon Steinbeck wrote the great American road trip novel, Travels with Charley: In Search of America, and at the beginning he makes a wonderful point:

"A journey is a person in itself; no two are alike. And all plans, safeguards, policing, and coercion are fruitless. We find after years of struggle that we do not take a trip; a trip takes us. Tour masters, schedules, reservations, brass-bound and inevitable, dash themselves to wreckage on the personality of the trip. Only when this is recognized can the blown-in-the-glass bum relax and go along with it. Only then do the frustrations fall away. In this a journey is like marriage. The certain way to be wrong is to think you control it."
The trip started out rough, with some fairly major car problems, but thanks to Larry, of Gary's Towing and Automotive, the rest of the trip was great, until some more fairly major car problems at the end. The Buffalo National River Trail was phenomenal. Starting out the first day we hit some great elevation climbs that took us up to some really great views. Let me say this, Arkansas is very much underrated in terms of beauty. It was like the Rockies, but much less steep. All of the same great vegetation and feel, with lots of water and cool breezes, but sadly no 14,000 ft. elevations.

I think what I enjoyed most about the trip was the fact that we had purpose every day. We woke up, usually made a pot of coffee, ate a quick breakfast (oatmeal with a bit of granola for me), and then hit the trail. No one really complained, other than the first few minutes of getting the ole body warmed up again--we all knew what we were there for, and got after it with a striking intensity. Hiking up those hills was gratifying for a number of reasons: 1) getting to the top is the best feeling ever. You can stand there and look at where you were and a warm sense of accomplishment will easily wash over you. 2) Pushing each other is crucial. Every day at least one of us wasn't bringing their 'A' game all of the time, especially me on the third day, and without the rest of the group it never would have happened. Sitting down and becoming complacent is just too easy, you have to keep on fighting.
Relating to that last point, I read Into Thin Air while we were on the trail. Reason being I wanted a tail about adventure, and the outdoors (the added bonus was the scathing tale of poor decisions made at unheard of altitudes). One of the points which Krakauer makes that I really loved was that without a team, a group that everyone can depend on, the trip will not succeed. You have to be able to trust each member to the fullest, and only in that will victory come about. We won, we hiked the trail, and although there was mud (and lots of it), poison ivy (more than any of us had ever seen, and caves that seemed to go on forever in vast darkness, the team took it down, and it was wonderful in the process. In the end I found that this trip, much like what my life has been for the past year and a half, took on a life of its own, and only in the end were we truly able to let go, and just let the trip be the person it so badly desired to become. When it became what it so badly wanted to become, we found how wonderful the journey had been, and how wonderful the trip home was actually going to feel.

Watching What I Become

When I was at my heaviest I never thought of myself as fat. I guess that's one of the funny things about how we see ourselves, in a low point we often treat ourselves like we know we should be treated on the inside, but on the outside we sometimes can't portray that same respect. I'll explain.

At 370 pounds I knew that my inside's weren't that of a fat person. I would walk through the mall and see someone who was really overweight and think, "Woah, that guy's fat." Or, "Geeze lady, go to the gym." Terrible, I know. I think a lot of that stemmed from the fact that I was still in my very early 20's and the brevity of the weight I carried around hadn't really started to affect me in everyday life. I could still go out and play frisbee with my friends, or play basketball three nights a week. It was my way of saying, I'm just destined to be large. So on the inside, I saw myself as being much more in shape than what the normal person walking down the street would notice.

Slowly but surely what I see in my head, and what I notice in mirrors, or windows (yes, I often look at myself in the windows of buildings that I pass by, just to check) when I look in them is getting closer and closer. No more is there a fear of seeing a picture of myself and thinking, "Oh God, please don't let this be as bad as I think it's going to be. There is a calm self assurance there, and I really believe that is from the self confidence that knowing who you are inside and out has brought.

This next week we're heading to Arkansas to do a bit of backcountry camping. I'm excited to see what I can do with a 50+ pound pack on my back for 4.5 days, and if I can make it to the end of this cave we're talking about going to explore. That and seeing Bigfoot. http://www.gcbro.com/ardb1.htm, this site helps to explain a bit of the mentality that we're heading into this weekend with. It should be sweet.

More to come later.

Circumstances Dictating Joy?

I really have a problem in letting my circumstances dictate my attitude. Sports is a big one of these in my everyday life. Aggie sports in particular. If the football team wins a game, I feel great for the rest of the day, my joy is dictated by the fact that my favorite football team won a game (silly huh?). If we lose... my day is pretty much shot. I have to stay away from certain websites, one of which I work for because i know I'll just get more pissed from reading what other pissed off people are writing about. In addition to that, I spend the entire next week convincing myself that it's going to be OK, the season isn't totally shot, and (most importantly) it is just a game.

My weight, same story different verse. For a long time I was the guy who was really good at losing weight. It was like someone walked up to me, hooked a faucet up to my gut, and turned it on full bore. For nine months or so the fat just fell off of my body. Every week someone was telling me how good I looked, or wow, this is a good week for you dude. I let the fact that I was good at losing weight define who I was as a person. Just like I had let the fact that I was really fat for a long time define who I was (albeit in a much more negative light). Getting over this is tough on me, hence the reason I'm writing this blog, another thing I'm trying to help myself get through this rough patch of weight loss.

New of the day, I'm down to 260.8 pounds. That's big for me, since i havent really been down below 265 since, well... I don't really know when. I remember being in high school my junior year, and getting down to about 275, and I remember being a freshman and weighing in during football practice at 236, but those are really the last weights I have to go by. This puts me at a weight that I haven't seen since the awkward times of post-freshman-year in high school, through my junior year. That is a long time, but a really short time to put on something like 40+ pounds of fat.

I know that I made mention of the fact that i wanted to quantify how i was feeling with more than just weight lost each week. That means that when i lose weight i want myself to feel good about more than just dropping a few pounds, and when i gain weight, i dont want that terrible feeling to ruin my entire day. Right now I have quite a bit to be excited about:

• In a week we're heading to Arkansas for a back country trip down the Buffalo River


• All three of my roommates are graduating this coming Friday/Saturday


• Work is fun right now, and we have some big stuff getting ready to roll out in the very near future.

These things, coupled with the fact that I have actual weight loss (not just water loss) mean that I'm feeling pretty good about these new meals I'm trying out. Plus the workout this morning was insane, below, in picture form, what we had to do...

200 Squats at 175 lbs.(this seems about right)

200 Sumo Squats with 53 lb. Kettle Bell

100 Row to Narrow Push up w/ 40 lb. Dumbbell

All in all I got my butt kicked this morning, but I was more than willing to take it, since I had lost weight for the first time in a while. But there has to be more, I'm just not sure I can see all of that right now.

Getting Started

The fact of the matter is that I don't blog already, reason being, I'm just not sure that anyone wants to read what I have to write. So, lets get started with that assumption, that not many people are going to be reading this, but I'm going to go ahead and do it anyway.

In February of 2007 I started a journey to drop some weight. (In a future post, I'll get the beginning of the story down in the blog, just not right this minute.) I was not completely prepared for the changes that my body would undergo, both in good ways, and in the new struggles that it would present in myself. More importantly than the physical changes have been the emotional ones that I've gone through. Most of them have been amazing, and some of them have just sucked.


(Picture of the roommates and I, circa November 2006 at the Texas A&M-K.U. football game in Lawrence. Estimated weight, 370+ pounds.)

To make my first real confession, these last six months or so have been some of the most trying in my life. I haven't really lost any weight in that time, though I have gotten stronger, lost some inches, and begun to feel more positive about who I am as a person, I'm still trying to come to grips with lots of who it is that I'm becoming.

In trying some new things out, I was given the suggestion of beginning a weight loss blog. I think its a wonderful idea, one i'm not sure how many of you will follow along with, but one that i think will allow me to get some things off my chest that are both good, and right at the time. Along with some things that are not so good, and not right, but that still need to get out there.
Alright, I'm starting to get sick of this notion that the only way to track a life change like I'm experiencing right now is with weight, so I'll note most of my progress mainly with just how I feel about myself. Sure, the weight i carry will often be a major factor in that mood, but in time I'd like for that factor to play an increasingly smaller role in the process of chaning myself.

For now, I feel ok with who I am. I started eating more from the Eat Clean diet, and I feel energized. It's been good stuff so far, and the food is more promising than lots of stuff you see in weight loss plans. Mostly fresh vegetables and fruit, with some fun things thrown in there like flax seeds and bee pollen. I havent gotten the bee pollen yet, but I'm gonna run to the store in the morning and pick some up. The author (the name escapes me at the moment) swears that on some oatmeal with a banana mixed in is delicious, I'll let you know. (Picture: me about a month ago, singing some song, terribly i assure you, weight 265ish pounds.)
I plan of getting some more stuff down in the next day or so.